


The Island

by Themickeysays



Category: The Wilds (TV 2020)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Soulmates, F/F, Fluff and Angst, Follows S1 with additional scenes, Happy Ending, Soulmate-Identifying Marks
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-02-24
Updated: 2021-02-26
Packaged: 2021-03-14 15:02:08
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 3
Words: 15,035
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29669064
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Themickeysays/pseuds/Themickeysays
Summary: Soulmate AU where everyone has a tattoo of something their soulmate says to them at some point in their life. This can be anything they say, it doesn't have to be the first thing they say to each other. Once their soulmate says the line the tattoo will burn and change to the color of their soulmate's eyes.
Relationships: Shelby Goodkind/Toni Shalifoe
Comments: 19
Kudos: 257





	1. Chapter 1

Shelby is nervous.

This trip should be fine. _It’s just a Hawaii weekend getaway with a bunch of girls_. It’ll look good for college applications. Offset the whole 'Beauty Pageants are anti-feminist' notion. Which is ridiculous as far as she’s concerned. She’s been to plenty of islands before, missionary trips all over the place. Those islands were all far more _deserted_ than Hawaii.

She brushes her fingers over the tattoo on her ribs without thinking.

All those trips didn’t exactly pan out with finding her soulmate. She had been hopeful on the last mission trip with Andrew to Mexico, but God decided it wasn’t her time. All Andrew was interested in was trying to get his hand under her shirt. She knows she’s kidding herself by hoping it’s him. She hasn’t felt anything like people say you’re supposed to feel when you meet 'the one'. Plus he doesn’t use that kind of _language_ , or at least not in front of her. Her Dad thinks he’s perfect for her though. Well perfect for the family’s image. Becca nearly broke that image earlier this year. She’s terrified that maybe she can’t trust her feelings at all when it comes to this sort of thing. _What if my soulmate isn’t what fits the Goodkind image?_

Shelby walks down the hall to board the plane. A young man greets her and tells her to take a seat wherever she likes. She throws him one of flashing smiles of hers and walks by looking around the plane. There’s only a few girls on the plane so far. She catches Dot’s eye and bee-lines to the empty seat next to her giving her the brightest smile she can manage. The stoic girl just rolls her eyes and puts her headphones in.

She turns and sits back in her seat after failing to get Dot’s attention afterwards. More girls start to board and she notices a short brunette walk in with another girl. She’s got on basketball shorts and a tank top. Shelby’s eyes glide up and down the girl. Tracing her skin all the way along her collarbones and up to her dark brown eyes. She shivers and looks away.

Okay she’s _very_ nervous.

*****

Toni’s sitting, well lounging basically, in this oversized plane seat on some fancy jet she shouldn’t be on. She knows she’s always a little pissed off, it’s practically her natural state, but even she can tell it’s a little worse than normal. She snapped at Marty earlier for taking too long at the gas station. 

_“We’re buying Takis and orange Gatorade Marty, why the fuck are you looking at Cheetos.”_

Toni just wanted to get this trip over with. Marty practically dragged her to it. Something about, _“You’ve been a mess since Regan, and you need to meet another girl”_ and _“This could be the trip! You could find your soulmate Toni. Hawaii’s an island don’t you-,” blah blah blah_.

_Soulmate. Gross_. She never had any intention on going to an island despite what her stupid tattoo says. The line carved along her thigh made things pretty clear from a young age that things might not be so perfect between her soulmate and her. _My soulmate doesn't even want to think about me_. Just because you find your soulmates doesn’t mean everything is good between the two of you. It still takes effort and work, like any other relationship you’d have. People don’t always put that in. She’s seen it with her mom, and heard plenty of stories of broken relationships in foster care. Regan made her hope for a while, but right now it’s hard to feel that anymore. _Marty is just obsessed with the idea of love and a soulmate. Not me_. At least that’s what she tells herself.

_“- Pow-wow for a minute...”_

She rolls her eyes. Some pretty colonizing blonde white bitch is going on about an icebreaker game. The southern drawl that comes with the way she says it somehow makes it more irritating.

_“This white girl said ‘pow-wow’.”_

_“So?”_ Martha asked, confused.

_“So it’s not her word you should be triggered,”_ Toni said exacerbated.

Martha paused for a moment, _“Okay I’m not though.”_

Sighing, Toni slid down into her seat, _“Why am I always fighting your battles for you?”_

Laughing she shot back, _“I don’t know, because you like fighting.”_ Toni gave her a mischievous grin back. 

Suddenly she’s being pulled out of her seat by the blonde talkative girl, and dragged up to the front to a new seat. It happens so fast that by the time she turns her head back all she sees is the blonde girl's ponytail retreating back to Martha. She rolls her eyes trying to ignore the goose bumps on her arm where the blonde touched her.

The plane starts shaking uncontrollably a few mins later.

*****

Waves are all she hears at first. Then her name screamed, over and over again.

_“Shelby!”_

She stands slowly squinting her eyes due to the bright sun. Looking around she spots a figure caught in the waves and quickly puts together that it’s Martha. Sprinting on sand is a little more wobbly than the runs she goes on with her Dad at home. She pushes herself forward and wades through the small waves to get to her new friend. _I can’t lose another_.

Arm over her shoulder, they limp onto the beach where Martha sits on a piece of driftwood. Looking down she sees her ankle is swollen to the size of a softball. _Ouch_. Not thinking twice she takes off her yellow shirt and rips it to make a makeshift brace for her ankle. They share a small smile before Martha’s eyes dart down to the long black tattoo on her ribs. Shelby immediately becomes aware of all the skin she has exposed and grabs her jean jacket to cover herself. 

_“I haven’t met mine either yet,”_ Martha says with a bit of a laugh, but it ends with a wince of obvious pain. _“I hope he has brown eyes. I think brown tattoos are always pretty.”_

Shelby instantly tenses, So do I. She manages to pull together a smile for her though. She’s well trained on how to keep a pretty face, _“Well I’m sure you’ll meet him after all this,"_ waving around at their surroundings. 

She helps Martha walk along the beach to God knows where. They spot some figures in the distance shortly after. The basketball player that was sitting with Martha on the plane is closing in on them yelling Martha’s name. She all but pushes Shelby to the side when she pulls Martha into a tight embrace. After a moment she looks over to Shelby. 

_“What the fuck are you wearing?”_ she practically spits at her.

Shelby’s cheeks flush as she tightens her jacket a little. _What a mouth that girl has on her_. She's hoping they don't notice the blush on her cheeks. Martha is going on about how helpful she’s been with her ankle and getting her to safety. It seems to cool the other girl down a bit. They start to head towards the others, who seem to be frantic about what to do. 

They’re stranded on an island with nothing in sight. A _deserted island_. A shiver ran down her spine. _This can’t be happening_. The words on her side play over and over in her mind. Everyone meets their soulmate, no matter what, and right now it’s looking like it’s going to end up being her worst nightmare. This isn’t how it’s supposed to go. She glances at the worried girl helping Martha and fiddles with her necklace. _Just keep smiling and be positive, God will see us through_.

*****

Toni’s about had it with this overly optimistic blonde in front of her. Her smile is so big, she wonders how her cheeks don’t hurt. Something about it doesn’t seem genuine. This girl is as fake as they come.

_“- Eight cokes right now. That’s all we got to drink. Just eight of these. Hey but don’t worry because if God brought us to it God will bring us through it,"_ she ends with a finger gun.

Toni rolls her eyes. _“You know the whole Jesus saves things and like literally he’s not going to jet pack down and pull us out of here.”_

She replies with a tight smile. _“No Toni. Okay, the Lord saves those who save themselves. Which is why I’m gonna take a look in the woods. See if there’s some fresh water. Maybe you should come with?”_

Her accent seems to be getting stronger every second, and Toni can’t help but feel like she’s being patronized by this ‘Southern Belle’. So she shoots, _“Hard pass,”_ back at the blonde. 

Next thing she knows Marty is giving Shelby her shoes and Toni’s confused by the whole exchange. She doesn’t get why she’s being all buddy-buddy with this rich white girl who wouldn’t normally even glance her way. She’s watching Shelby put on Marty’s shoes when she makes a decision. She’s gotta figure this girl out before Marty gets hurt.

 _“You know what, maybe I will go. Make sure Christ doesn’t lead your ass into a fucking sinkhole,”_ she says.

They start walking away from the beach to look for water. She can’t stop the thoughts from circling through her mind. _This is it, we’re not getting the fuck out of here. This is what the universe has planned for me. One of these girls is going to be my fucking soulmate. I guess Marty got what she wanted_. That long _stupidly perfect_ ponytail is swinging in front of her, and something about it riles her up. Shelby’s going on about how she’s not some delicate princess, because she hunts with her Dad and she’s had enough. _Princess seems pretty accurate_.

_“That doesn’t mean you're not mostly an indoor princess. How many pillows do you have on your bed? Bet you got one of those mega beds with like fifty pillows. Your maid, Lupe, she’s got to keep taking them off and putting them back on, and it's making her wanna off herself, am I right? You know I’m right.”_ She can’t help the smirk that follows knowing she’s getting under Shelby’s skin.

Shelby pivots quickly to face her and snaps back with, _“Yeah well I’ve also shot down a 10-point buck. Snapped his neck to finish the job and butchered him in the field all by myself. God built us to contain multitudes Toni.”_ The girl looks proud and is almost daring her to say something.

The smirk on Toni’s face falters. She doesn’t want to admit that she’s impressed, ~~or that she wants to hear the blonde say her name again~~. Suddenly Shelby puts her hands on Toni’s shoulders to stop her in her place, then yanks them back a little too quickly. The girl is smiling, but it almost seems like she’s _nervous_? Then she says she has to pee, and Toni finds herself turned around hearing Shelby sing some gospel song while she’s taking a piss. _God I feel like Lupe_.

*****

Shelby’s not entirely sure why she lied to Martha about the wound on her head. Especially since it was caused by _Toni_. Who’s been irritating the absolute _heck_ out of her. The girl has a mouth like a sailor, and seems to have no trouble using it to let her know that she hates her. So she has no real _reason_ to defend her. Maybe she just wants to ~~figure her out~~ keep the calm on the island until they get rescued. _We will be rescued_. 

Dot’s phone is about to die and everyone’s passing it around trying to call someone. She thought for sure her parents would answer but they didn’t. Andrew was going to be her next try, until Dot so graciously pointed out that he’s probably busy with some other girl. Which honestly didn’t bother her as much as she knew it should have. She wonders whether her parents are mad enough about the whole Becca situation to not even care that she's missing. _Surely they’re worried about me, and would watch out for calls. Right?_

Toni doesn’t try to call anyone, and she notices when Martha gives her a sympathetic look. _How does she not have anyone to call?_ She starts wondering what Toni’s home life is, and whether it’s feeding into the girl’s anger towards her. _What does Toni’s assume about my home life?_ Shelby shakes her head slightly. _No, she only thinks about me when she's coming up with insults to throw at me_. 

Everyone’s bickering about who to call, that no one notices Jeanette fall to the ground. Not until Leah yells at them anyways.

*****

They’re all sitting around a fire Dot built at night. Their _first_ night. The only thing breaking through the silence is the waves crashing offshore. They just _buried_ Jeanette’s body a little down the beach, singing P!nk of all things. It was all pretty fucked up. _We really are stuck here_. She glances around at everyone around the fire. She grips her shorts on the spot above her tattoo. _It’s going to be one of these girls. Then we’ll argue until we die on this miserable island_. She huffs. She already gets enough shit from Shelby.

 _“- Never-Have-I-Ever.”_

Toni looks up to see Shelby looking towards the ground, some strands of hair have fallen into her face out of her ponytail. Her smile is soft, but her eyes look weary. Instead of addressing the urge she has to push her hair behind her ear she speaks up, _“All right, only if you go first. None of those bullshit lightweight answers. Give us the real.”_

Shelby pauses a moment staring at her before taking a deep breath. _“Fine, never have I ever had vaginal penetrative intercourse.”_

Toni knows she’s expecting some kind of retort from her, but all she can think of is the way she said that. Very detached, almost repulsed by the idea. More importantly how that wording very clearly omits _other things_. Heat rushes up to her face. _This fire is so damn hot_.

She has to think of something quick to say. She remembers what Dot said earlier and smirks. _“So that’s why your boyfriend’s a cheat,”_ she says while she downs a drink. 

_“He’s not a cheat!”_ Shelby protests. 

Marty takes Shelby’s attention away quickly by talking about her own virginity. She rolls her eyes. _Virginity, What a stupid misogynistic concept. As if a dick is going to change me_. Toni frowns a little. Marty and Shelby seem to be getting closer by the hour. She better not hurt her.

\- 

Marty’s ankle is looking really bad. The swelling is worse than yesterday, and yesterday was _bad_. She calls Toni out on the way she’s looking at her ankle, and the girl looks like she’s starting to panic. Then Shelby appears out of nowhere, and Toni rolls her eyes. _Great, what does she want now_.

_“Oh you’re, you’re gonna be just fine,”_ Shelby said, giving Martha a reassuring smile. _“The swelling just means your body’s on the job, all right.”_

Toni looked at her pointedly before saying, _“I got this. By the way she doesn’t need like a ton of people crowding around her.”_ Toni grabbed Martha’s ankle to lift it, but distracted by how angry she was with Shelby she might have gripped it a little too hard.

_“Ow, Toni!”_ Martha cried out in pain.

She was quick to defend herself as she shot back, _“I was elevating it like you’re fucking supposed to!” It’s all Shelby’s fault really_.

_“Um I think at this point it’s better to immobilize than to elevate. So that’s my bad Martha, okay I really should have splinted it yesterday,”_ Shelby nudged her with her elbow lightly.

_“I was just thinking you probably should have splinted it yesterday,”_ Toni said mocking her.

Shelby looked really annoyed and threw hands up. _“Just a FYI, I was a candy striper at Amarillo General last year where I learned that the biggest obstacle to patient recovery-.”_

_“Is infection,”_ Toni said.

Shelby paused a moment, then looked Toni dead in the eye and said, _“And negative energy.”_ She cocked her head to the side and looked a little too proud of her response. After a moment she clapped her hands and said, _“I’ll let you think about that while I get this one a drink okay?”_

Toni stared at Shelby’s back as she walked away wishing she had something to throw at her. _Why does she always have to be an expert of everything? ~~Why is she so God damn perfect?~~_

****

They’re always bickering ~~like an old married couple~~. Always getting under each other’s skin. The group tunes them out as much as they can when they get into it, but for an island so big sometimes it seems too small to get away.

Toni tosses a branch on top of the fire when she hears footsteps heading her way. Then she hears a familiar drawl, _“You’ll smoother it that way.”_

_“You’re the one who’s smothering with how much you hover,”_ she shoots back.

Shelby’s face tightens a little. _“Well I wouldn’t have to if you knew how to handle a fire.”_

_“I’m doing just fine,”_ she says, while the fire is visibly dying.

The blonde lets out a short laugh. _“You know I’m the one who handled our weekly Friday night bonfires at home, so I know what I’m talking about.”_

They continue bickering back and forth, and miss Dot coming over to fix the dying fire. She just rolls her eyes and sits down to watch it. Toni storms off after, and Shelby starts talking Dot’s ear off about how Toni’s so immature and hot headed.

-

_“Martha I can take you to soak your ankle if you want,”_ Shelby offered.

_“Sure Shelby that would be great.”_ Shelby started to pull her up off the ground and threw her arm over her shoulder. They started to hobble slowly away towards the pools that had collected from the tide.

_“Marty I’ll carry you,”_ Toni said jogging up to them.

Shelby shot her one of her annoyed tight smiles and said, _“Toni there’s no need I got this.”_

Toni practically snorted as she watched Shelby stumble a bit. _“Sure princess, that’s why you look like you’re about to topple over.”_

_“I’ve got this Toni. Don’t you want to go play with some sand? You’re great at that.”_ Toni looked annoyed at the jab.

Mocking Shelby’s accent always seemed to get under her skin. So with the most exaggerated Texan accent she said, _“Don’t you want to go manage the fire? You’re an expert in that if I recall, and you wouldn’t want to leave it to me right?”_ It was enough to get the girl to stop.

_“You can’t even pick Martha up. You're short as can be and God didn’t build your arms for lifting that’s for sure."_

_“You guys it’s fine, reall-,”_ Martha started.

 _“I can totally pick Martha up,”_ Toni cut her off.

Shelby looked at her expectantly, and without a word Toni hoisted Martha up on her back and started walking to the pools. She glanced back to smirk at Shelby, and noticed that she was looking at her weird. Shock wasn’t quite it, there was something else.

_“Go tend the fire Shelbyyy!”_ she yelled back before trekking on.

*****  
Shelter building contest. It was the perfect solution to the Takis dilemma. They needed a shelter, a boost in morale, and it irritated Toni. Win-win as far as Shebly was concerned. She loved seeing her get all riled up, and she was always ready to argue with Toni. Shelby is always drawn to looking around for Toni to start something between them. Martha calls her name to join their team and she practically squeals in excitement. _Perfect_. She’s still a little lost in her head thinking about Toni when she hears the girl on her mind rattling off loudly.

_“-materials they do.”_

_“Okay pump the brakes a second,”_ Shelby said trying to slow Toni down from running off wild with no plan.

_“No brakes ma’am, I’ve got the axe we’ve got to move,”_ she says frustrated.

_“Shouldn’t we just take a quick five to talk about what we’re actually building?”_ Shelby tried to reason.

Toni nodded to Martha. _“Marty and me know what’s up. You know we can just do it how we do right? Like a framed hut Wigwam style. We learned it in that heritage workshop.”_

_“Those are super complicated Toni. Which you might have known if you hadn’t slept through that entire workshop,”_ Martha replied.

Shelby interjected before Toni could reply with, _“Listen I’m not saying we have to have it all figured out, but a few concrete plans couldn’t hurt.”_

Toni glared at her. _“Why do you always have to take the wheel? Shouldn’t you be letting Jesus do that? What do you know about building shit anyways?”_

_“Hate to burst your bubble, but I’ve worked on eleven different Habitat for Humanity projects,”_ she said confidently.

Toni shook her head. _“Okay come on Marty lets hit the woods.”_ When she looked over Marty was just staring at the ground and didn’t reply. _“What the hell’s wrong, lets go!”_

_“What’s wrong is that she doesn’t want to go running off without the slightest idea what the end game is!”_ Shelby’s practically yelling and waving her hands around at her.

Toni looked at Martha shocked that this was happening. _“You’re gonna let her speak for you now?”_

She stomped away to the woods after whatever excuse she was about to give. _That girl has so much fire in her. ~~It’s so captivating~~_. She made a note to ask Martha about it later. After brainstorming on the shelter with Martha and Nora she starts off to look for materials. Her thoughts swirl with images of Toni. _Stop it stupid brain. Why can’t I stop thinking about her. I need to stop_. 

*****

Toni sat on a rock later after coming back with materials they apparently didn’t need. She got hot headed and walked off like she always does. Now Shelby of all people has walked up to her going on about versions of hell for some reason. 

_“Yeah I’m pretty sure this is hell having to listen to you lecture,”_ she replied.

Shelby looked off into the distance, _“Maybe it is. Hell is where the Lord sends us to try and teach us something.”_ She turned to look Toni right in the eye and continued, _“I know he’s trying to teach me patience.”_

Toni smirked, _“I do bug you. I knew it.”_

_“I just don’t understand why you run so hot all the time,”_ Shelby said with her head tilted like she was trying to examine her. _“Martha said it’s not just about me. You’ve always been this way.”_

Toni looks away. She doesn’t want to address her anger problems. So she asks something else that’s been on her mind, _“That first day, why haven’t you told anyone about how I smacked you with the branch?”_

_“Cause it was an accident,”_ she says in the sweetest tone. It always pissed off Toni.

_“We both know that it wasn’t. What are you waiting for?”_ she practically growls.

Shelby stares her down coldly and says the words she never expected to hear from the blonde of all people. _“I’m waiting to get off the island so that I never have to think about you ever again.”_

The burning on her thigh started immediately, and she slid down the rock a little in pain. This was happening, and she couldn't ignore it. It’s done, and it's _her_ of all the fucking girls on this island. She hasn’t seen it yet, but she knows her tattoo has changed color to match those _~~pretty~~_ stupid green eyes that are looking at her so coldly right now. It’s even worse than she imagined growing up. _Some straight Christian girl who does nothing but get under my skin is my fucking soulmate_. She feels sick.

_“I bet you think about all the different ways that you could get back at me.”_ She didn’t mean to wince while she said it. Shelby doesn’t seem to notice though. _All the different ways to get back at me for not being some prude Christian man for you_. Shelby just glared at her, and Toni couldn’t stand the silence so she continued, _“If you had the guts.”_ She stood up to get right in her face, _“You got a lot of people here thinking you’re all rainbows and unicorn shit but I see you.”_

Shelby’s eyes widened a bit at that. Satisfied she starts to walk away when Shelby kicks the back of her leg, causing her to almost lose her balance. _“That all you got?!”_ she yelled at her.

The blonde looked down on her. When did she get so tall? _“I have the strength for lots more, but I’m not gonna waste it on you. You’re not worth it.”_

_I’m not worth anything to you_. In anger she replies with, _“You know who clings to religion? People who like to tell themselves a nice story about who they are, because deep down they’re hiding some pretty fucked up shit.”_

Toni storms off before she can hear her reaction. 

-

It was all a blur. She had been walking on autopilot with thoughts of Shelby whirling through her head on the brink of tears. She was never going to be happy. Never going to be loved. Now she knew for sure. Her _fucking soulmate_ didn’t want her. Toni knows Shelby has to feel it, and she’s actively going against her own feelings to push her away. She didn’t even have a _chance_ and it’s just because she’s a _girl_? 

She’s trying to put up a log for their fucking shelter when she hears Shelby and Marty laughing about something. Nora ends up pushing her at some point and she just snaps. Grabbing the axe she starts swinging at the half built shelter.

_She’s going to hurt my friend_.

*Crack*

_She’s already hurt me_.

*Crack*

_She doesn’t want me_.

*Crack*

_I don’t matter!_

The whole shelter falls down. She’s left breathing hard with tears streaming down her face. Everyone’s staring at her shocked. When she catches Shelby’s eyes she drops the axe and almost crumples to the ground. Then she sees Marty’s disappointment on her face as she turns and walks away. Toni chases after her not daring to look in Shelby’s direction again.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I haven't wrote a fanfic in like 5 years so I hope this didn't suck. The fic is complete I just need to post it all.
> 
> Tumblr: themickeysays


	2. Chapter 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Glad everyone liked the last one, hope you enjoy this as well!

Rachel had found some mussels. They were all excited, and having a good time laughing together over their first good meal in days. Shelby was happy to see them all in good spirits, even if she couldn’t eat with them because of her allergy. Things changed so quickly after Toni started licking the mussels in a rather _provocative_ way. Heat rushed to her face and she felt a sensation building lower on her. It scared her, so she yelled for her to stop. So now she is the homophobic uptight Christian of the group and everyone hates her. Especially Toni, who seemed extra mad at her recently for some reason. She didn’t have much time to think about it before everyone started throwing up their meal. _Food poisoning_.

She ran from girl to girl trying to give them water. Except Toni, she knew she wouldn’t want to see her. Fatin seemed to be watching out for her anyways. After giving Rachel the last of their water she realized she was the only one who could go successfully get more and boil it. She ran into the woods with bottles in hand, not noticing Leah following behind her.

-

After Shelby got back and started to prep the water she overheard Dot talking about how bad Martha and Toni were, and how they needed some kind of medicine.

 _“Toni is looking really bad,”_ Fatin half whispered to Dot.

Shelby froze as she overheard them. Her heart clenched at the thought of Toni being in danger, _real_ danger of dying. _Toni can’t be bad, she’s too stubborn to let this get to her_. Dot found the pill the girls needed, but only one of them. Shelby knew she should be worried about Martha. Everyone would expect her to be worried about her, not Toni. Not the Toni she fought with constantly, not the Toni she just admitted to not accepting her ‘way of life’. But the panic that was building was centered only on Toni, and she couldn’t make any sense of why. She jumped up and volunteered to take the pill over, because it didn’t matter _why_ right now. All that mattered was making sure Toni was okay.

Leah helped Toni sit up, supporting her back so she wouldn’t fall. Shelby was kneeling in front of her looking at the sick girl when she asked, _“If I put this in your hand can you take it?”_

Toni glared at her and mumbled, _“I’m not gonna take shit from you.”_

_“It’ll save your life Toni. You’re taking the damn pill!”_ she pleaded. 

Dot interjected sticking out her hand, _“Fuck it Shelby, just give it to me I’ll fucking do it.”_

Leah glanced over at Shelby and said, _“Give her the pill. Give her the fucking pill!”_ Everyone started joining in and yelling at her to give it over. It all was too much for her. Toni was going to _die_ and the guilt of it all was rushing over her. _I’m going to lose her, not like Becs._

 _“Jesus fucking Christ am I not allowed to help her?!”_ she yelled.

She suddenly pushed Toni down and straddled her pinning her to the ground. She plugged her nose until she had to open her mouth for air and threw the pill in. Leaning down she covered her mouth and said, _“Swallow the fucking pill.”_ Toni swallowed it and started coughing. Shelby hovered over her for a moment, taking in the girl. Her eyes aren’t as fiery as they usually are. They’re much darker than usual, and she’s got bags under them. _~~I hope they go back to normal soon~~_. After realizing their position she jumps up and walks away. Ignoring all the stares from the others, and missing the knowing look Fatin was throwing her way.

*****

Toni was feeling a lot better after a while. Marty didn’t seem to be doing too hot, but she seemed stable for now. She couldn’t stop thinking about Shelby, and how she forced the pill down her throat. Hours ago she told her that she was living in sin, but she loved her. _Love. Yeah right_. She doesn’t understand why the blonde was so insistent on being the one who gave her the pill. _Probably some white savior complex_. Toni hated how there was a part of her that was hoping it was because Shelby cared for her. _Like actually cared. Not some bullshit ‘I love everyone because I’m a Christian’ care_. Shelby hasn’t looked at her or gotten near her since the pill incident. She sighs. It’s pointless to hope. Shelby may be her soulmate, but she knows the girl hates her.

Marty had gotten up from next to her a while ago. She said something about needing to cool off. When she did Toni noticed that the blonde stared at the empty spot where Martha had left. Toni almost thought she was going to move next to her. Her eyes darted to meet Toni’s, but she looked down almost instantly. _She really hates me_.

Around the fire was quiet, so when the sound of a body dropping to the ground rang through the air everyone jumped. Toni looked around frantically and saw Martha laying a few yards away on the sand and started running towards her. She collapsed on the sand next to her and reached for Marty’s hand, frantically asking her what was wrong. She could barely respond and Toni began to break. Her only friend, her _sister_ , was dying in her arms and there was nothing she could do. Dying because Shelby gave Toni the only pill. If Martha had gotten it she would be fine. She catches a flash of blonde hair in the corner of her eye. _Shelby_. The girl who didn’t care about her, but supposedly cared about Martha. _She pretends to be Marty's friend but gives me the pill? It doesn't make sense!_ Tears start streaming down her face as she turns to the blonde and starts yelling at her. Berating her for choosing her over Martha.

_“Why did you do it, why did you give me the last one?!”_ she cried.

_“Toni I didn’t-,”_ Shelby started.

_“Look at her! Okay she is a good person and she cares about people and people care about her, and she has a whole family and you threw me a lifeline.”_

_“Toni, you were dying!”_ she pleaded.

Toni didn’t miss the crack in her voice as she said it. The thought of her pretending to care made her more upset. _“Who cares?!”_ she screamed at her. _You don't! So stop acting like it_. She felt like hitting something, anything, but Marty needed her.

When Shelby didn’t say anything her heart sank, and she followed up quietly, _”I don’t matter”_.

Looking down at Marty who looked on the brink of death, _“Fuck. I don't matter. I don’t fucking matter.”_

She leaned down and put her forehead against Martha’s. Shelby was looking at her with a heartbroken expression. Looking like she was physically pained at what Toni said about herself. Not that Toni noticed.

Leah and Dot left for the woods to look for the missing pill soon after.

Shelby had found another lighter for them, which was vital for their survival. Toni couldn’t help the feeling of pride that swelled in her chest for her. She hated that she couldn’t stop her body’s reactions when it came to Shelby. _Stupid universe bonding me with this girl_. 

Leah was losing her mind again and started yelling and accusing Shelby of being some sort of spy for an organization that was keeping them there. Really batshit crazy stuff. Toni saw how scared and upset Shelby looked with Leah closing in on her. Toni was trying to ignore the desire to go step in. Even if she was irritated with Shelby ~~being on her mind~~ all the time, she knows she doesn’t deserve this shit from Leah. Then Leah grabs her screaming, demanding to know what she's hiding, where she's sneaking off to. Just as Toni decided to forego her earlier decision and step forward, Shelby did the unthinkable.

_"Okay, yes maybe I am,”_ she said nearly crying. Then she pulled out her fucking teeth, well two of the front ones, and held them up for everyone to see. _"Happy? This is it, the big secret."_

The girl looked so broken on the brink of tears. It was the first time Toni had seen her where she didn’t look perfect. The first time she seemed real. The upset blonde turned and stared Toni right in the eye while she said, _“Not that you need any more reason to hate me,”_ then walked off. 

Toni knows that it was supposed to be seen as a statement towards everyone, but something told her that it was meant for her more than anyone else. The thought hurt Toni, and all she wanted to do was go after Shelby and comfort her. But she knew better than to do that.

She walked away to think alone, but not before sending Leah the meanest glare she could muster. She started to reflect on how her and Shelby’s relationship had developed and realized she’s been hostile with her since day one. When honestly Shelby hadn’t given her much of a reason to be. She befriended Marta and helped her recover from her ankle injury, even going as far to tear her own shirt for her. Shelby had found supplies they desperately needed, and did everything she could to keep morale up. As much as she hated to admit it, she knew the girl had tried to talk sense into Toni on more than one occasion. Hell Shelby saved Toni’s life the other day. 

Then there was the whole homophobic thing. Toni couldn’t _fucking stand it_ , and neither could anyone else. But she also knew something that the others didn’t. Shelby was her soulmate. She knew Shelby was drawn to her whether the girl liked it or not, and probably _scared_ about it. Toni knew she grew up with bigots, and it’s been drilled into the blonde's head that whatever she’s feeling is wrong. Toni’s seen the looks Shelby’s given her, tried to ignore them even if they make her heart skip. They’re soft yet full of emotion all at once, and they're the only time she seems real. It feels like every time she catches her though she puts her mask back up and starts to push her buttons. As if to take it out on her for catching her. _Internalized homophobia at its finest_. She just wished the girl didn’t take it out on her for what she was feeling inside. 

The green script on her line keeps playing over and over in her head. Specifically the _‘so that I never have to think about you ever again’_. There’s so many different ways Shelby could have worded that. The word she keeps getting caught up on is _‘think’_. She could have easily said _‘see you again’_ , but she chose _‘think about you’_. All her life she’s read that line over and over and thought her soulmate hates her so much that she doesn’t want to think about her. She’s starting to wonder if she got it wrong. If the girl is just scared of who she is herself, and not what they could have together. _I wonder if she knows what they are yet?_

*****

Shelby’s sitting alone in the woods trying to clear her head. She wasn’t expecting Leah to accuse her of such a _crazy_ thing. She’s upset about showing the others her secret. Shattering the image she’s so carefully crafted of herself. She can’t stop thinking about what _Toni_ must think. Whether she thinks she’s fake, or too emotional, or just flat out vain. _Does she think I’m ugly now? Did she ever think I was pretty?_ She sighs. She knows she shouldn’t be thinking about this. About Toni like that. That it’s wrong. But everytime she thinks of those brown eyes and the way they look at her she feels weak. She’ll do anything to keep her gaze and attention. Even if it means picking a fight. She can’t stop thinking about her, and she knows that getting off this island won’t change that. She hears footsteps approaching her pulling her out of her thoughts. Glancing over she realizes it’s the girl that’s been occupying her thoughts. 

Shelby looks away quickly and softly says, _“I only came here to get some space. I’m not like, up to anything.”_

_“Hey I never took you for a special ops type. That’s Leah’s shit,”_ Toni replied while continuing to gather firewood.

Shelby let out a deep breath and looked to the tree canopy. _“Right,”_ she started softly before throwing Toni a sad smile. _“You just think I’m an asshole.”_

Toni lets out a long whistle before playfully saying, _“You say your prayers with that mouth?”_ Shelby smiles and looks away as Toni continues with, _“You ever play pranks with those fangs of yours? You know take them out, put them on top of your brother’s lasagna when he’s not looking?”_

Shelby bites her lip to keep herself from laughing and gives her a soft _“No.”_ She doesn’t know why Toni’s being so nice, but it’s making her feel better. 

Toni’s smiling at her, and it makes her heart skip a beat. She bites her lips, why is she smiling at me of all people? She starts picking up more wood and says, _“You should think about it. It could be a dope signature move.”_

Shelby sat for a second. Fidgeting with her hands trying to decide what to say. She wanted Toni, no she _needs_ Toni to know that she doesn’t hate her. Far from it really. So she jumped up before thinking too hard on it and started rambling. 

_“You know my, my issues with well whatever. Like with who you are,”_ she closed her eyes for a moment knowing that sounded bad so she starts over. _“I don’t hate you Toni, you get that right?”_ Shelby hopes that the look she gives her conveys what she’s trying to say, but it doesn't. 

Toni’s expression has completely changed now. She just nods and says, _“Yeah, you actually do though. I saw your face when shit got a little too gay for you, you fucking shuddered. I’m sorry that’s hate, the least you can do is own it.”_

Shelby looked down in shame. She didn’t know what to say so she didn’t reply. Even though she wanted to tell Toni that’s not _why_ she shuddered. She wanted to tell her that she couldn’t stop thinking about her. How she thought she was the prettiest girl she’s ever seen. How she was jealous of Martha being able to sit next to her all the time. How she just wanted to hold her hand without thinking about what it means. To kiss her lips and for it to not feel wrong. She wanted to tell her all these things, but instead she kept her mouth shut and started helping Toni with the firewood.

-

They were stacking firewood into a pile. The silence between them was driving Shelby mad. She wanted to talk to Toni, but she didn’t know where to start. She thought of earlier and decided to address the thing she’s been dying to know what Toni thought of.

_“It’s genetic, by the way. When my baby teeth fell out the other ones just never came in. In case you were wondering, ”_ she let out quickly. She looked Toni’s face up and down trying to read a reaction.

_“I wasn’t,”_ she said emotionless.

Shelby’s eyebrows scrunched and she tried to act aloof, _“Yeah I’m not fishing for sympathy. But it hasn’t not been hard,"_ she said dramatically. 

Toni looked up annoyed, _“Okay Becky, maybe you don’t talk to me about hard.”_

Shelby looked taken aback. _“Nobody believes me when I say this, but I do have actual problems. Like way more than you can imagine.”_

Toni stands up and walks up to her looking impatient, _“Great. Let’s hear them.”_

Shelby stares at her a moment before taking a breath and speaking. _“Do you have any idea what it’s like to have to be pitch perfect every second? To be watched like a hawk for the slightest bit of weight gain or the tiniest wobble in my heel. Or my hem is just a centimeter off regulation. Or I say the wrong thing about international politics, well God help me.”_

_“So you’re complaining about being judged when you literally signed up for that?”_ Toni said unimpressed.

Shelby opened and closed her mouth but no words came out. She eventually got out, _“I know.”_ She paused for a moment and thought about what she was trying to convey and continued. _“I know, but I’m not just talking about pageants stuff. It feels like everywhere I go somebody’s asking me to like meet some kind of expectation.”_

Shelby wanted to tell her all about her family’s expectations. How even if she wasn’t in pageants that she’d still have to be skinny with a perfect face. How she had to be ~~straight~~ the kind of girl who fits into their perfect Christian family model. How she couldn’t be herself without worrying about being left alone. 

She shook her head and ended with, _“It’s a lot is all. The pressure.”_

Toni looks away for a moment before replying, _“Yeah well my dad’s been a no show since day one, and my mom’s in and out of rehab like it’s a fucking White Castle. So nobody expects shit from me. It doesn’t feel great either.”_ She meets Shelby’s eyes and her jaw tightens as she looks back down at the ground.

Shelby’s processing all this new information about the girl in front of her when she continues, _“Do you know how many field trips I’ve had to bail on because no one’s been there to sign my permission slip? You know I don’t give a fuck about going to the planetarium, you know it just would have been nice to have someone there to say that I could.”_

_“Yeah, but like-,”_ she started.

_“But what?! Shelby if you’re trying to out sad me it’s a losing fucking battle.”_ The crack in her voice and the pain on her face made Shelby want to hold her, comfort her, but she couldn’t ignore the jealousy she felt at her freedom. How she could be herself.

Shelby took a step forward and tried to explain, _“But you’re free! Don’t you see that? You don’t have to answer to anybody.”_

Toni shot back, _“And neither do you! Not right now anyways. I mean,”_ Toni paused taking a deep breath. Then she said the line Shelby’s been waiting to hear for so long, _”You’re on a deserted island a million miles away from whatever bullshit expectations that you left behind."_

Shelby felt like she was spinning. Her ribs started burning and she grabbed them wincing as the realization hit her. _It’s her. It’s Toni_.

_"You know you’re free here Shelby, and if you’re not taking advantage of that then I don’t know what the fuck to tell you.”_

Everything made sense now. Why she couldn’t stop thinking about her, why she felt so drawn to her. The short fiery girl in front of her was her _soulmate_. The girl who drove her crazy, the girl who pushed her to be herself and drop the facade. She was feeling so much all at once and she didn’t know what to do. So she acted on the one desire she’d had for so long, longer than she'd like to admit. She stepped forward and grabbed Toni’s face kissing her square on the mouth. Toni seemed shocked at first, but settled into the kiss quickly wrapping her arms around her hips and pulling her close. Everything about it felt _right_. It was needy and full of desire. Perfect really. 

Shelby pulled back quicker than she intended, and saw Toni trying to chase her lips. Realization sunk in on what just happened. She saw Toni open her mouth to speak, but she was terrified of what she was going to say so she ran. She heard Toni chasing after her calling her name, but she didn’t dare look back.

 _She’s my soulmate. She’s my fucking soulmate_. It was supposed to be Shelby’s worst nightmare, but she felt joy. Joy that she wanted to shove down. It was all she could think about when she first went on this trip, the thought that she'd be one of those ‘unlucky’ souls who gets a soulmate of the same gender. Something she'd be certain would happen for a while now, especially after Becca. She'd been fruitlessly in denial for so long and now she couldn't ignore it. Now she couldn’t stop thinking about how good that kiss was, and how much she wanted to do it again and again. How much she wants Toni, and not in the way she’s supposed to. Her Church always said that if God chose your soulmate to be the same gender, then they were supposed to be your best friend and nothing more. Romantic love just wasn’t in the cards for you, and you had to accept it. _Why can’t I just accept that?_

When she got back to camp she saw the twins fighting and the others yelling at each other. It was absolute chaos and to make things worse Toni stepped in front of her. Those beautiful brown eyes were staring into her soul, but before she could say anything Rachel knocked her down.

*****

Dot's speech on how their chance of rescue is going down each day brought the mood of the group way down. Shelby’s sitting off to the side of the group with a saddened expression on her face. Toni’s been fidgeting, anxious to know what was happening between her and Shelby. _Did her tattoo change when we were out there? Did she just give into the feelings she has been ignoring? They’re fucking soulmates after all, she knows she feels something_. She can’t take it anymore, so she stands up and goes to sit next to the girl.

 _“Shelby please talk to me,”_ Toni pleaded quietly so the others can’t hear her.

The blonde won’t even look at her or acknowledge that she’s trying to talk to her. Toni tries again and Shelby looks up this time.

 _“I, I can’t,”_ she replies. It’s barely a whisper.

Toni’s mouth drops open not knowing what to say. They sit in silence for what feels like forever.

 _“We need to talk about it at some point. Whenever you’re ready.”_ Toni waited a long time for a response till Shelby gave a small nod. So small Toni questioned whether she imagined it. With that semblance of acknowledgment she got up and went to sit by Martha.

Ironically a plane flew over later that day and now everyone is celebrating, everyone except Shelby. She’s uncharacteristically quiet, but everyone seems too caught up in the moment to notice. Toni watches her walk away from the group with a deep frown on her face. She wants to go after her, but figures the blonde needs some space after their kiss. Marty starts shaking her in excitement pulling her attention away from the retreating blonde. When she looks back the girl has disappeared.

Everyone’s high on the edibles Martha found, and feasting on their rations waiting for their expected rescue. Shelby’s been gone for a while now. She knows she needs space to figure out whatever is going on in her head so she doesn’t go looking for her. No matter how much she wants to, especially since Shelby seems drunk off that vodka she’s been carrying around. Martha’s talking to her about how cool it would be if the ocean was a huge deep forest instead of water. One that had giant deer the deeper you go. It’s all very amusing and she can’t help but chuckle at her friend’s ridiculousness. 

She feels like eyes are on her so she turns around to see Shelby sitting away from them staring intensely at her. It sends a chill down her spin. Martha announces she has to pee and stubbles away, then her spot is taken almost instantly by the blonde. Who seems like she’s about to burst with anxiety. Toni just looks down and continues collecting sand in a container to bring back home.

Toni can smell the vodka on her breath as she rambles bitterly, _“-No clue why you’d want any souvenir-.”_

Toni cuts her off, _“What do you want Shelby?”_

She looks taken aback by how blunt the girl is. _“What do you mean?”_

_“What do you want? Okay you avoid me all day and now you’re hovering. I can’t really figure out what you’re doing apart from getting hammered. So you probably should just tell me.”_

_“What I want is to know exactly what you and Martha were talking about?”_

Toni looks confused as she replies with, _“Um well she’s ripped out of her skull right now, so food or maybe the cloud she thought looked like her uncle.”_

Shelby shakes her head upset. _“You told her didn’t you. You told her about the whole,”_ she waves her hand around clearly not wanting to say it. She looks at Toni intensely waiting for her to answer, when she doesn’t she rushes out, _“Did you tell her?!”_

 _“No! Fuck I would never,”_ Toni says defensively. 

Shelby looks down and lets out a hollow laugh, _“Because you’re that ashamed.”_ She nods her head like she’s convincing herself without listening to what Toni might say. 

_“No, you are obviously the one with the shame.”_ Toni turns to look at Shelby directly even though the girl is avoiding eye contact. _“Okay, I’m not gonna lecture you on how or why, or how fast you should figure things out for yourself. But you know all your hateful church shit is not gonna help you figure out who you are-.”_

Shelby grabbed her arm and angrily said, _“I know exactly who I am. I cannot wait to get home, and get back to her.”_ The way she said it wasn’t convincing at all, and the visible shaking of her arm wasn't helping her case either. 

Toni held her eye contact before quietly saying, _“You and I both know you’ll never be happy like that.”_

Shelby let go of her arm, eyes darting back and forth. Her shoulders slumped and she looked out to the ocean where some of the others were playing before sadly saying, _“Does it matter if I’m happy?”_

Toni kept her eyes trained on her. Quietly she replied, _“Does it matter to you if I am?”_

Shelby looked back at her so quickly she wondered if she'd have a kink in her neck later. The girl studied Toni carefully. They sat in silence together for a long time, till the Fatin yelled for them to come join them in the water. They both stood, but while Toni was heading towards the waves, Shelby grabbed the vodka and walked away down the beach again. Toni frowned and her heart ached. _Guess that’s a no then_.

****

Shelby’s sitting alone on some rocks away from the others taking swigs from the bottle. She can barely hear the other’s playing in the water down the beach. Her fingers trace over the spot where her tattoo is. It’s now a beautiful shade of brown, but she can’t bring herself to look at it again. She sighs, _I guess I got my brown script before Martha_.

She starts to think about what Toni said. _‘Does it matter to you if I am?’ What did she mean? Has it already happened for her? Or did she just like the kiss from earlier? Of course I care if she’s happy_. She takes another gulp. She knows it’s messed up to push Toni away and deny her. Especially since she was the one that made the first move. She just wonders if Toni knows yet. Because pushing her away after the kiss is fucked up on a whole new level if she knows. She wonders where Toni’s tattoo is. If she’ll be able to catch a green line or if it’s still black.

The bottle of vodka is getting lighter and lighter. Her thoughts are swirling with Toni this and Toni that. She frowns, _a plane will come soon and I’ll be taken back to Texas. Back to my family. Back to my life. My life without Toni_. She wonders how she’s going to hide her tattoo till she moves out. Because if they find out she’ll be questioned, she’ll break down, and she’ll be alone. Her family won’t love her, _Toni_ won’t love her. _I don’t want to go back_.

 _She grabs her side anxiously as she watches the waves as the sun begins to set. They're stranded on this deserted island and probably won't ever be rescued. Toni may drive her crazy, but she makes being a million miles away feel like more of a home than Texas. She starts to sob_.

*****

It’s starting to get dark out and Shelby isn’t back yet. She’s made comments to the others about it, but no one seems worried. They’re all high, or drunk, or somewhere in between. All laughing and having a good time. They don’t even notice when she stands up and walks away towards the direction she last saw Shelby going. It didn’t take long to find her. The blonde was behind the rocky cliff, just barely cutting her off from the others’ view. As she got closer she realized Shelby was crying, no _sobbing_ on the ground. She jogged the rest of the way to meet her and dropped to the sand in front of her.

Toni started to reach for her but stopped her hand mid-air. _“Shelbs?"_ she tried softly. _“Shelby what’s wrong?”_

The girl looked up at her with watery green eyes. Her hair was an absolute mess and there was snot coming out of her nose. 

_“Are you okay?”_ Toni asked. _Of course she’s not okay stupid_. 

The blonde just started to cry harder, gasping for air as she gripped her hair. Toni reached out and grabbed her wrists to get her to stop, but Shelby swatted her away. She curled up into a ball while Toni just sat there unsure of what to do. Shelby kept peeking up at her, as if she didn’t believe she was there. Toni just sat quietly against a rock, letting her know that she was there if she needed her. Shelby looked up again for what must have been the eleventh time, except this time she didn’t put her head back down. She kept Toni’s gaze. They sat like that for a while as the sun continued to set. It was dusk when Shelby stood up. Toni thought she was going back to camp so she started to get up as well, but the girl took a step over and stopped her. Next thing she knew the girl sat down between her legs and twisted to hide her face in the crook of her neck. Toni hesitantly put her arms around her. When Shelby didn’t make any protest she pulled her a little closer. After a moment Shelby muttered something into her neck quietly.

_“What?”_ she asked quietly.

Shelby moved her head to face up towards the brunette. Her eyes weren’t full of tears anymore, but they looked tired. _“I said I want you to be happy.”_

Toni’s heart swelled. She brushed some of the hair falling in Shelby’s face away as she said, _“I want you to be happy too.”_

Shelby looked like she was about to cry again. _“I don’t know how to if I’m not here.”_

Realization that Shelby didn’t want to be rescued hit her. That if she goes back home there’s nothing that can happen between them. At least not for a long time. Toni pulled her closer and whispered, _“It’ll be okay.”_ They stayed that way till it was pitch black. When they finally stood up Toni asked if Shelby wanted her to go another way so the girls didn’t see them coming back together. Shelby nodded, and Toni gave the girl a small smile before turning to head up the hill.

-

They were all sitting around the fire lightly chatting. Toni made sure to sit away from Shelby and ended up next to Fatin. The blonde seemed dead quiet and she looked lost in her head. _She’s getting worse_. She nudges Fatin and nods to Shelby, _“Do you think she’s okay?”_ Fatin looked concerned and grabbed a hairbrush, and walked over to the girl whispering something to her. _Smart, Shelby cares about her hair_. The blonde starts aggressively brushing her hair, it’s all knotted from being on the island so long. Toni also knows she was just pulling at it earlier today so it looks particularly bad. 

The hairbrush gets stuck and Fatin tries to help her, but she starts screaming, grabbing everyone's attention. She leans down and grabs the scissors they have and starts to go for her hair. 

_“It’s ruined, it’s ruined, it’s ruined!”_ she cries.

_“Shelby! Shelby no, it’s not worth it!”_ Fatin yelled trying to get the scissors out of her hand. Toni is standing at this point, but is too shocked to move. 

Shelby puts the scissors to her hair and yells, _“I don’t fucking want it!”_ and starts cutting her hair off while she cries. Everyone’s in shock, and Toni feels bad because she’s the one who sent Fatin over. 

Toni slowly walks over to Shelby, ignoring everyone’s whispered pleas for her to stop. She grabs her wrist holding the scissors and everyone seems to be holding their breath. _They probably think she’s going to murder me with them_. Shelby drops the scissors and starts to take long deep breaths. Toni drops her hand and reaches down to grab a bottle of water to hand to Shelby. Their hands brush as she hands her the bottle and they stay there for a moment too long. Toni gives her a small smile before turning to sit back down. Shelby turns and walks away from camp. Leah gets up after a few minutes and walks over to the blonde laying on the beach, and no one says anything for the rest of the night.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> These poor girls need a hug. Shout out to that old tumblr art post with the forest as an ocean. Here's the link if you don't know it:
> 
> https://iguanamouth.tumblr.com/post/102949571952/radglawr-methsnake-imagine-if-the-oceans
> 
> Tumblr: themickeysays


	3. Chapter 3

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank y'all so much for all your kind comments!
> 
> So there was basically a week between the kiss and the lychee tree scene in canon. I would give anything to know what happened between the two during that time, so here are some of my thoughts on what could have happened :)

The next day everyone kept away from Shelby to give her space. They unanimously decided to bump her up to the ‘don’t do jack-shit’ assignment to give her the day off. Shelby decided to spend her time sitting in front of the fire with a blank stare in silence. She knew that she was dramatically brooding, but nothing else seemed worth the effort of doing if they were just going to be rescued soon. 

Toni was cleaning up the site. The others had left a short while ago to go do their chores, just in case they needed stuff during the day before they were picked up. Toni kept looking over at her. She knew the girl was worried about her, but she didn’t know what to say or how to make herself feel better. Sighing, she ran her hand through her hair. The hair slipped out of her hand quicker than she was anticipating. _What I’d give to just see how bad it is_. She felt around and could tell there were strands sticking out wildly. Biting her lip she looked around hoping to see something that could help. When she landed on what was left of Fatin’s stuff she walked over digging for a bobby pin or clip or _something_ to hold her hair down. To her delight she found a small long clip and smiled. It was the first time she had smiled in a while. Shelby tried to clip her hair down, but it was useless without a mirror. She couldn’t see what was sticking up or where. The girl thought for a moment and realized there was a spot she could see herself. _The pools_. The blonde jumped up quickly and started walking towards the spot.

When she saw her reflection in the small pool of water she gasped. Her hair was all over the place and her skin had visible sun damage and dirt. _God how does Toni find this attractive. Does she find her attractive? Is that assuming too much?_ She tries again with the clip, but her efforts aren’t much better. It’s a mess. Next to her a reflection of another girl appears. Toni dropped down on the sand next to her.

_“The nest giving you some trouble?”_ Toni tries to joke.

Shelby rolls her eyes, _“Did you come over just to laugh at me.”_

Toni looks like she’s about to panic while she rambles, _“No! No, I was kidding,”_ after a moment she sheepishly adds, _“Sorry.”_

She looks at her and nods, then turns back towards her reflection. _“It’s all over the place, I just can’t get it to stay and clip.”_ Toni watches her struggle for a moment. Then Shelby’s reflection is messed up by the water rippling. When she sees Toni’s wet hand coming towards her face she tenses and squeezes her eyes shut expecting to be splashed in the face. When the water doesn’t come she opens her eyes slowly, and realizes Toni is wetting her short hair down so it all sits flat. The short girl then takes the clip out of Shelby’s hand and pins back the damp hair. The girl gives her a small smile after she’s done. Shelby looks back at the water and sees that the patch looks tamed. 

With a smile she quietly says, _“Thank you.”_ After a moment she reaches out and laces their fingers together. Toni squeezes her hand in response. The two sit like that next to the small pools till they hear some of the girls getting back to camp.

*****

Rescue didn’t come yesterday, but everyone’s certain it will be today. They still did their chores just as before. They really needed some water with how hot the days have gotten, and so when Toni and Shelby were supposed to be paired for water duty everyone got concerned. Moving Shelby around the schedule messed up the order of who pairs with who. The others always made sure the two were never paired together since they fight so much. They really couldn’t afford for the water to not be collected due to some petty argument between them.

_“Umm, Toni do you want someone else to go with Shelby today?”_ Dot asked. Shelby was off cleaning her retainer like she did every morning.

Toni shook her head. _“I’m fine with going with her,”_ she said casually. Everyone seemed shocked, except Fatin who was smirking for some reason. 

She said, _“Guys I know we need water. I am capable of not arguing for an afternoon.”_ No one seemed convinced. So she stood up and followed with, _“Plus these muscles shouldn’t go to waste.”_ She flexed her arms for good measure which got the girls to laugh. 

Shelby came back shortly after and asked why they were all laughing. Rachel answered, _“Toni’s being a cocky dumbass.”_

 _“It’s not cocky if it’s true,”_ Toni replied wiggling her eyebrows.

 _“Still a dumbass,”_ she retorted.

Toni noticed Shelby biting her lip staring at her while she flexed. She smirked and threw her a wink. The blonde looked away bashfully, but Toni caught the blush rushing to her face.

 _“Want to get a move on the water sitch Tone?”_ Shelby asked. Toni nodded, and the pair walked into the woods holding all the containers.

 _“We’re not getting water are we?”_ Leah asked, flopping back on the sand.

 _“Nope,”_ Rachel replied.

Martha chimed in, _“The ‘Tone’ is what will start it.”_

Leah crossed her arms over her eyes and let out a long sigh.

-

They finished filling up the containers a while ago and were sitting on a rock by the water. They hadn’t been there long, and neither had really said anything since they left camp. It was amazing to Toni how comfortable she was just sitting in silence with the girl. The sun was beating down on them though, and the rock they were sitting on was starting to get hot.

 _“It’s hot as Hades today,”_ Shelby commented.

Toni stiffened a little when she said it remembering their argument that day. The conversation that ended up changing her life, _for the better_. Shelby noticed the girl’s shift in body language and turned to face her. 

_“What’s wrong?”_ she asked with a concerned expression.

She looks cute when her brows crinkle. Toni shook her head a little and answered honestly, _“I was just thinking about the last time you said that."_

Shelby put it together and frowned. _“Sorry for that. I um, I hope you know I didn’t mean it.”_ Toni looked at her expectantly clearly wanting her to elaborate. She started again, _“I think about you all the time Tone, and I know that getting off this island won’t change that. I, um, don’t want to change that either. It’s just a little complicated.”_

Toni sat in a silence for a minute thinking over what she said before replying. _“I know that now, and I know that you’ve got your own stuff to work through.”_

The blonde started again, _“I do, and I just want you to know that I’m working on it.”_

Toni nodded and they went back to sitting in silence. _Should I tell her? Would that make her feel worse? She’s going to know eventually_. She gripped her shorts over her tattoo.

Toni stood up and looked at their ‘watering-hole’. She smiled and mustered a mock Texas accent, _“Wanna go for a swim? It’s hot as hell according to this pretty girl I know?”_

Shelby grinned at that, and slipped off her shoes pulling Toni into the water with her. The two of them started splashing each other and giggling. Shelby swam after her after she sent a particularly big wave to her face. She flung an arm over Toni and caused her to go under. When they came up Shelby still had her arms around Toni’s neck, but this time Toni was facing her. Toni glanced down at Shelby’s lips and back up to her eyes. _Those green eyes_. Shelby bit her lip. They seemed to be closer by the second. Toni’s about to close her eyes for a kiss when Shelby speaks up.

 _“We um, we should probably get back to the others. I’m sure they’re thirsty,”_ she says shakily.

Toni just nods, not wanting to push the girl. So they head back to camp with the collected water. When they get back the others yell at them for taking so long. Apparently they were taking bets on who killed who and were about to send a search party. _If only they knew_.

****

After a string of hot days with a beating sun, they were thankful for the cloudy day. That was until those clouds turned into a massive dark gray blanket covering the sky. The wind was picking up, throwing sand everywhere. _God must have heard our whining, and is answering with a sense of humor_. 

_“Alright I say we pack our shit up and head to the cave for the night. This sky isn’t looking good.”_ Dot said loudly so everyone could hear her.

 _“Yeah I swear the sand is going to blind me if I get anymore in my eyes,”_ Leah agreed.

They all hummed in agreement and started picking their stuff up. Rachel ended up chasing a bunch of clothes that blew down the beach on their way to the cave, and everyone scrambled to keep their grips on their stuff as the wind blew harder. Before long the rain started, and they all started sprinting. By the time they were all in the cave they were soaking wet and freezing.

_“We don’t have a lot of firewood stocked here. We should save it for nightfall when it’s going to be colder,”_ Dot said between breaths. 

_“Dottie it’s fucking freezing right now, and we’re soaking wet,”_ Fatin complained. She held her jacket tight trying not to shiver.

Dot rolled her eyes, _“You’re not that wet.”_

Fatin arched her eyebrow and flirtatiously asked, _“Why don’t you come over and feel then?”_

Dot just shook her head, _“Go cuddle with someone Fatin.”_

Fatin held her arms wide open and slowly started walking towards Dot. The girl retreated from her yelling _“No,”_ over and over again. 

_“Fatin you’re always going on about consent, and well she doesn't, so pick someone else,”_ Leah said angrily.

Fatin turned to Leah smiling, _“You volunteering?”_

Leah let out a huff and looked to the ground. Fatin walked over to the tall girl and pulled her to the ground to cuddle. No one seemed fazed by this, but the look Leah was giving Fatin was telling to even Shelby. A few of the girls huddled closer for warmth while the storm worsened outside. Shelby was huddled with Martha when she noticed that Toni wasn’t in the group. She looked around and saw the girl close to the cave entrance watching the storm. She excused herself and walked over to the short brunette.

_“Everything okay?”_ she asked.

Toni glanced over and gave her a nod, _“Yeah this storm is just crazy looking.”_

Shelby looked out at the swaying trees and rough waves. The rain was coming down so hard that it was hard to hear the girl next to her. She figured the others couldn’t hear them at all. Shelby stepped closer to her so she could hear. _“It’s probably a tropical storm, doesn’t look bad enough to be a hurricane.”_

_“How do you know?”_ she asked.

_“Been to lots of beaches, like vacations and mission trips,”_ she explained. _“Did you ever go to the ocean before this?”_

_“Nope. Minnesota is far from the ocean, and I didn’t exactly go on vacations,”_ she said sadly.

_“Oh,”_ Shelby said quietly. She fiddled with her necklace as they stood there together. _“Where would you go if you could?”_

Toni was quiet for a long time, so long that Shelby wondered if the girl heard her over the rain. She was about to ask again when she spoke up. _“I don’t think I want to go anywhere specific, but I’d like to see a little bit of everything. Like I’d be down to see the Redwoods or the Grand Canyon, maybe go east to New York, they’ve got the biggest national park in the continental US,”_ she said wistfully.

_“Sounds like you want a road trip to all the parks,”_ Shelby replied. _Who thinks of a park when they hear New York?_

Toni chuckled. _“Yeah I guess. City’s are fine but,”_ she paused for a moment deep in thought. _“I’m not super Res, you can ask Martha, but it makes me sad seeing big cities. Because I know that land was someone’s livelihood and culture, then it was stolen and treated like shit to build some ugly skyscrapers. Plus they're expensive, while parks are cool and cheap. Trips to those let you actually spend time away from it all with the people you love.”_

Shelby smiles softly. This girl, her soulmate, has so much more depth to her than meets the eye. _“I’ve never thought of it that way,”_ she leaned in closer to Toni and whispered, _“I can’t wait to see them with you.”_

Toni visibly shudders and jokes, _“Who said you could come?”_ The brunette starts to rub her arms up and down. It was getting colder out, and they had been standing by the entrance for some time. Shelby looks back and sees that most of the girls seem to be cuddling to some extent, none of them paying attention to the pair. Fatin looks like she’s asleep on Leah. She looks back to the shivering girl next to her.

_“You know we could um,”_ she gestured to the group, _“warm each other up.”_

Toni looks at her and back to the group laying around the cave and rambles, _“If you’re okay with that, like um okay with it here.”_

_“Just for warmth Tone,”_ she joked.

She grabs Toni’s hand and drags her a little farther into the cave. The two lay down away from the group facing each other, unsure of how to proceed. _“Do you um, want to lay on me or like against me or what?”_ Toni asks.

_“Will you lay against my back?”_ Shelby asked quietly.

Toni let out a light laugh, _“You mean spoon you?”_ she teased.

The girl started to blush deeply. Instead of responding she turned on her other side and waited for Toni to close the gap. When she did Shelby let out a small gasp and closed her eyes. She could feel Toni’s breath on the back of her neck, and her warmth radiating. It was the most comforting thing Shelby had ever felt. Toni’s hand was gripping her shirt, and she wanted nothing more than to grab it and pull it in front of her. _Is that too much?_ Shelby waited a few minutes before reaching back and grabbing Toni’s hand, pulling her arm around her. She kept Toni’s hand against her chest and kept still. The girl behind her pulled her closer and rested her forehead against her back. The longer they laid there the warmer and sleepier Shelby got. Before long she fell asleep in Toni’s arms.

Fatin wakes them up later when a fire has been built. Everyone else appears to be sleeping still or quietly sitting by the fire not paying them any attention.

*****

They kept having small moments here and there. Quiet whispers to each other while the others aren't listening. Their arguments become less heated, and have turned mostly into light banter.

_“You know you're supposed to lift with your legs not your back,”_ Toni laughed.

Shelby huffed, _“Why don’t you set the example and help then?”_

Toni stepped forward and helped the girl lift a log, _“You just want to see these muscles in action."_

Shelby rolled her eyes, _“Or maybe I’m trying to instill the idea of good samaritan-ship.”_

Toni grinned, _“Whatever you say princess.”_

Shelby seemed to relax more around the short brunette in front of the others. Her smile became more genuine over time, and she even learned how to joke about her teeth and hair. Toni has been calmer since their kiss, probably the calmest she’s ever been. Fatin asked her _‘how she managed to get the stick out of her ass’_ , to which she replied with her middle finger up and a _‘fuck off.'_ She was starting to believe that this thing with Shelby could be good. Not just for her, but the other girl as well. She could tell Shelby was feeling more at ease with herself. Toni tried not to draw too much attention to how much she wants to spend time with the girl, but it was getting harder to not make up excuses just to see her. 

Shelby is sitting over by the fire boiling water. Her hair is all over the place and she’s got sun damaged skin, but Toni thinks she’s the _prettiest_ girl she’s ever seen. Marty is talking to her about something, but she doesn’t hear a word of it. When Martha waves a hand in front of her face is when she finally breaks her gaze away from the blonde. 

They start talking about going to look for food, and Toni can’t help but mention how Shelby is a great hunter and tracker. Martha hugs her and tells her she’s proud of her for how much she’s matured. _She’d be over the fucking moon if she knew what was really happening._

Shelby joins them for their hike, but quickly the trio becomes a duo after they argue over hunting the goat with Marty. Their luck turns around though when they stumble upon a lychee tree full of fruit. They rush over to it and start scarfing them down. They’re laughing and smiling, happy to have some food for the first time in days. Shelby got a little fruit on the corner of her mouth, so without thinking Toni stepped forward and wiped it away.

The two stood there gazing into each other’s eyes before Shelby stepped forward to slowly kiss Toni. It was softer than their first kiss, but just as quick. Toni stepped back and asked, _“Are you sure?”_

The blonde stepped forward again and kissed her just as soft. She lingered afterwards pressing her forehead to the shorter girl’s, _“I’m sure."_

Shelby leaned in again for a much needier kiss. Toni gripped her hips and pulled her close. They quickly discarded their shirts. Toni caught a glimpse of a brown tattoo on the girl's side, but quickly melted into the kiss. it was hard to focus on anything else with Shelby kissing her.

*****

They were laying down under the lychee tree facing each other. Shelby had quickly put her underwear and bra back on after they had finished. She seemed embarrassed by her exposure, but left her shorts and shirt on the ground still. Toni followed her lead to make sure the other girl was comfortable.

Toni was tracing Shelby’s tattoo on her rib. She figured the line was something she said that day in the woods, but she wasn’t sure which one, not till now. _I wonder what she thought of islands before all this?_ Toni still hasn’t let Shelby read hers yet, but she knows it’ll happen soon. _I just hope she isn’t upset._

_“You know you have the most drop dead gorgeous eyes Tone,”_ Shelby said softly.

Toni blushed and hid in Shelby’s neck, _“Stop noooo.”_

Shelby scratched her head, _“Yes silly, I like them. Like a lot a lot.”_ She whispered, _“You don’t think I’d like the color of my tattoo.”_

Toni smiled and pulled her closer. _“I like mine too,”_ she said quietly.

There’s a moment of silence between them, but not an uncomfortable stillness. Shelby has been pressing soft kisses to the top of her head, while Toni snuggles closer to her.

 _“Can I umm, see yours?”_ the blonde asks.

Toni tenses. She leans back and wiggles her eyebrows and tries to play if off, _“Didn’t you already?”_

Shelby blushes deeply thinking of earlier. _“Yes, yes I did. I meant your tattoo though.”_

Toni frowns, but gives her a short nod and sits up resting on her knees. Shelby half props herself up with her arm to see the tattoo on the brunette’s thigh. The girl lets out a small gasp. Shelby looks up, but the girl won’t meet her eyes. She looks impossibly small right now.

She traces along the green line on her skin. _“Why didn’t you tell me that day by the waterfall?”_

 _“I didn’t want to make you feel bad,”_ she says sheepishly.

 _“I was going to find out eventually Tone,”_ she says, frowning.

Toni shrugs, _“I guess I just wanted to put that off as long as I could. I want you to be happy, you know?”_

Shelby smiles at her reference. She sits up properly in front of her and cups her face. _“I am happy babe,”_ she says softly.

Toni closes her eyes and leans into Shelby’s touch. She brings a hand up to pull Shelby’s away slightly and gives her palm a soft kiss. Toni grins while she looks at the blonde, _“So I’m ‘babe’ now?”_

Shelby blushes and pulls her hands back to fidget with them and stutters out, _“Um yeah, sorry if you don’t like it. I won’t do-.”_

 _“Shelby I like it,”_ Toni says reassuringly. The blonde smiled softly, but it turned into a frown quickly, _“What’s wrong Shelbs?”_

Shelby starts fiddling with her cross necklace deep in thought. _“You know I was terrified I’d meet my soulmate on this trip.”_

Toni waited a moment before responding, _“Terrified of your soulmate being a girl.”_ It came out colder than she intended and Shelby winced.

The girl was looking anywhere else other than Toni. _“Something happened this past year with a girl, with my best friend Becca,”_ she started continuing to fiddle with her necklace. _“It ended in the worst way possible and it was all my fault. My dad afterwards didn’t speak to me. When he finally did he told me that I won’t have a place in the family if I do something like that again. That I’ll be alone”._

Toni was silent for what felt like forever. _“I don’t know a lot about ‘family’, but I do know they’re supposed to support you. And if your biological one doesn’t, you can pick your own. Like Marty, she’s my sister in my heart,”_ she said softly. _“You won’t be alone with me, if you want that.”_

Shelby smiled and nodded. As tears started to fall she jumped at Toni tackling her into a hug. Toni pulled her tighter planting soft kisses to the top of her head.

-

The sun was nearly set at this point. There was no point in trying to go back to camp, they’d just get lost in the woods. Thankfully it was warmer in the woods without the cold ocean breeze. They still got dressed and cuddled on the ground to keep warm though. The stars were starting to come out as they fell into light conversation. A much needed break after their conversation earlier.

Shelby pointed to a cluster of stars in the sky, _“I’ve always like that one, it looks like a cross. God’s touch is everywhere, even in the sky.”_

_“It’s called Cygnus, but a lot of people call it the Northern Cross.”_

Shelby looked over at the girl beside her. _“One of its stars is called Deneb, which is one of the corners of the Summer Triangle,”_ she traced the triangle in the night sky with her pointer finger. _“It’s an easy marker to find a bunch of constellations.”_

Shelby smiled and poked the girl lightly, _“Something tells me you did give a crap about going to the planetarium.”_

Toni blushed, but it was hard to tell in the dark. _“Okay yes I did, you got me,”_ she chuckled. _“I didn’t want to sleep in the homes they put me in usually. So I’d go outside and lay out a blanket and look at the night sky when it wasn’t too cold. The sky was always clear out since I live in the middle of nowhere.”_

_“Well we’re certainly in the middle of nowhere now,”_ the blonde hummed.

_“Yes we are,”_ she laughed.

_“I don’t know about you, but I like being deserted in the middle of nowhere so long as I’m with you,”_ Shelby said sweetly.

Toni whispered, _“Me too,”_ and leaned in to kiss her softly. The kiss heated up quickly, and Shelby pulled Toni’s shirt till the girl rolled on top of her. Her hands ran up and down the brunette’s back as they made out. Toni pulled away and started to kiss her neck slowly. Shelby gasped and dug her nails into the other girl’s back. 

_“Wanna revisit earlier?”_ Toni asked quietly.

_“Fuck yes,”_ she breathed out.

She grinned and teased the girl below her, _“Language babe.”_ Shelby rolled her eyes and pulled her into another kiss.

*****

She felt awful for freaking out in the morning. There was just something about the rising sun of a new day that brought light to what happened last night. She knows there’s nothing wrong with being with your soulmate like that, it’s just hard for her to come to terms with how her future will be different than she expected it to be. _Then her father expected her life to be_. Toni was so incredibly calm about it all and it was driving her crazy. The short brunette she was starting to fall for has always been so fiery around her. Her new demeanor feels so strange to her now. _Oh Gosh, I am falling for her. Does she not feel the same? Is that why she’s so indifferent about last night?_ Shelby has been staring up at Toni up on the hill by camp for probably over an hour at this point wondering what the girl was thinking about when Fatin showed up next to her with a paper fortune teller.

_“Do I have to say the question out loud?”_ Shelby asked. 

Fatin looked confused by the question. _“Ideally, but if you want to be a mysterious bitch about it, then fine.”_

She closes her eyes and plays with the fortune teller landing on a tab. _“I don’t fucking know,”_ she reads. Shelby huffs and throws the paper on the ground, _“Well, that wasn’t fun. The whole point of these things is they’re supposed to give you the answer, right?”_

_“Jesus,”_ Fatin says. She looks at the direction of Shelby’s gaze. _“I mean, you know. If you’re so worried about how she’s feeling maybe you should go ask her yourself.”_ Shelby visibly tenses and opens her mouth to say something but nothing comes out. _“Please. I know sexual tension when I see it. But don’t worry,”_ she said, making a lips sealed motion with a smile.

*****

Shelby walked up and sat next to Toni on the hill overlooking the camp.

_“So does this not matter to you?”_ she blurted out.

_“What?”_ Toni asked, confused.

_“You’re this fiery passionate person, and then last night happens and you’re just so damn calm. I guess I just got to thinking that maybe that’s because it didn’t matter to you.”_

_“Nah Shelby,”_ she started before looking directly into her eyes, _”It’s because I trust you.”_

_“What the hell did I do to earn that?”_ she asked with a small laugh.

_“You saved my life,”_ Toni says simply.

Shelby throws her hands up in the air and waves them around while she rambles. _“Okay, but what if it all blows up? What if we end up making each other freaking miserable you know. What if I hurt you?”_ she looked down sadly, _”I’ve hurt people before, very badly.”_

_“What if our plane crashes, and what if we nose dive into the ocean? And you know, end up stranded. And what if we wind up lost and starving?? All of that already happened. The worst has already fucking happened. I don’t think I’ve got it in me to get that scared about something that could be good.”_

Shelby looks at her sweetly and lifts her hand to play with Toni’s ponytail before sliding her palm to rest on her face. Toni leans into it smiling at the girl in front of her before she’s pulled into a long soft kiss. When they pulled back they rested their foreheads against each other.

_“You are my soulmate after all, the universe or God or whatever thinks we’re a good pair. So I trust that too,”_ Toni whispered against her lips. Shelby smiled at that and whispered, _"Me too."_ The couple scooted closer to each other, hand in hand, smiling like idiots. 

There's a heart wrenching scream that comes from the beach shortly after. The pair jumps up and runs to the source to see blood flowing in the ocean. Toni grabs Shelby’s hand as they watch Nora swim out to Rachel. 

The group has a lot more to face on this island, but they know they have each other to make it through.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Shout out to my amazing girlfriend who read all of this first and gave me her input. She had to listen to me talk about this too much haha.
> 
> Tumblr: themickeysays


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